First time speaking in public

This picture is from the first time I, a lifelong agoraphobic, stood up to speak to a crowd of over a hundred people. Family, friends, and strangers, all mixed in, all focused on me. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

At the behest of friends and colleagues, I wrote a book about my struggle to manage extreme anxiety (agoraphobia) while building one of the country’s most successful plastic-bottle companies. To launch the book, I had to read from it at a big launch party. This is not a welcome challenge to an agoraphobic.

On top of that, I come from a culture that values strength and sees vulnerability as weakness. But to write this book, and give this talk, I had to put all of my vulnerability on display for the public. Power lifters, cops, medical professionals, a hospital president, the parents of my friends’ kids–everyone.

I was going to tell them all how I’d spent my whole life being afraid. “Of what, Brian?” That’s just it–of everything, especially being afraid. Afraid of being afraid. What would they think of that?

My hands shook. My knees shook. My voice shook. But I did it. And as I used my anxiety-management tools to get through the presentation, I realized that I wasn’t just telling people that they worked–I was showing them. Afterwards, people thanked me for sharing what I’d learned, that they thought it would help them, or someone they love, and that’s part of what helps me get on stage for every speaking engagement, no matter how bad my knees shake.