Scared Strong

If benching 400 lbs. is easier than speaking to a room full of people, you might have anxiety.

My junior year of high school, I started lifting weights. I wanted to get stronger for baseball.

At least, that’s what I told people.

It was true, to a point, but I was kind of a skinny runt, and wanted to look tough, impress girls. But there was something deeper driving me not just to lift, but to dive into muscle magazines and read a book that wasn’t assigned by a teacher for the first time in my life.

One thing about lifting–it works. If you put in the work, results will come. And I loved the results. So, I got deeper into the sport. I went to a few different gyms, and eventually decided to open my own: Champions Sports Gym, in Warwick, R.I. I’m fanatical about getting the details right, and soon Champions was the biggest gym in the state. Flex magazine even featured us, and the National Physique Committee (NPC), the Amateur Athletic Union (AAU), and other organizations hosted powerlifting and bodybuilding contests at our facility.

I love lifting, and was very focused in my training. As I said, if you put in the effort, lifting works–so I got strong. And when I’m lifting, I’m totally focused on what I’m doing, instead of all the other thoughts that crowd their way into my mind, all the ‘what ifs’ that tormented me every day. And with national organizations hosting events in my gym, I thought about competing.

Lifting in competition is not the same as lifting on your own. You’re on stage. People are watching.

A huge part of lifting big weight safely is paying attention to, and carefully controlling, your breathing. And ‘controlling your breathing’ is pretty much impossible when your heart gets up over 150 beats per minute. I tried to compete a little, but hyperventilating and heavy weights just don’t go together, so I quit.

Years later, I developed a system called Intense Focused Training, or IFT. Knowing that anxiety lives in the future, I developed an approach to working out that forces me to think only of that particular movement for a short time. Over the years, learning to live in the present moment in a focused way has changed my life. Even at age 59, I can lift extremely heavy weights. I wanted to get big and strong as a teenager, and I’ve gotten there. As for impressing girls, I’ve got the one I was after (you can hear all about our wedding and honeymoon at one of my live presentations).

This training, combined with my emotional toolbox, has kept my agoraphobia at bay. Over the years, learning about professional athletes who have extreme panic that gets in the way of their ability to perform has confirmed what I already knew. Everyone has something they would like to either rid themselves of or fix. Looking big and strong didn’t stop my fear, and I used it to mask my constant fear.

Now, years later, having learned to manage this fear (‘the beast’), I’m not only giving talks as schools, colleges, and corporations, but at fitness centers and gyms full of athletes–recreational and professional–who struggle with the same thing. Physical strength is great, but only when paired with the mental and emotional health that help you live a balanced, confident life.